Ever feel like White Trash even though you aren't?

I feel that way all the time...I live in a double-wide that has no underpining or block under it, so you can pretty much see the whole underneath of it, not to mention my porch...Piece of shit is what that is...I know I should at least be grateful I have a place, but damn...It never really bothered me before, maybe because we were broke...I don't know...It bothers me now...I want to live in a noce house, with a nice yard...Granted we have 1.5 acres right now, but the house is a piece of shit, in a shitty poor ass county...We deserve more than this...I want to be able to have my girls invite their friends over to play, or have people come visit, but with it like this, I am so Embarrassed....Maybe I want to be like the Joneses, but who wouldn't want to be? They have everything...Great house, Great jobs, Great friends...Those are just a few...Maybe I am turning Snobby, I don't know...it just eats at me tha ti live in a shithole...
Here is a Modular home we are considering:


Floor Plans:


It has 4 bedrooms and 4 Bathrooms and is 2581sq ft.
Now I just have to find a piece of land or a Lot, and maybe we will be the owners of it :)

My thoughts on the War in Iraq....

Well...I fully believe we needed to be there...President Bush was given information that stated there were WMD's there...He took action and then found out that there really weren't any...In my opinion Iraq is and was a place for terrorists to go and train, but the Dems don't want you to believe that...People want up to pull the troops out now because it is taking too long...Hello...Can you say instant gratification? God...How sad is it that people honsetly believe that it was going to be over really fast...Things take time, we just leave now, it would make the civil unrest even worse...And the Terrorists will get the message "Eventaully, if we push hard enough, the US will Leave"...Is that really a message we want to send?

My husband is over there working right now as a Contractor...He really believes that we are doing the right thing by being overthere in Iraq...

Are you a Political Radical? A Quiz from Blogthings...

You Are 36% Politically Radical

You've got a few unusual political ideas, but overall you're a pretty mainstream person. Chances are that you're turned off by both the radical right and looney left.

Are You a Political Radical?

Wow....I am not suprised though...I will say that the mid term elections had me alittle depressed...I just can't believe people want the Dems in charge...They are looney in my opinion...But maybe this will be a wake up call for Republicans...

Pondering things that make you go hmmmm...

One of those things for me is: You have a mother who goes nuts, suicidal even...DSS gets called in....They take the child from the mother, says he is going to a "Safe Home"...He will have No contact with the mother until the situation gets straightened out...A few days later you find out that said child had contact with the mother the whole week-end...The system didn't protct him from being brainwashed....Hmmmmmm...

Why is it that when it rains, my kids act possessed? Hmmmmmm....

What about this....The new movie coming out is about being flushed down the toilet, and has singing turds? WTF is up with that anyways?

Rain, Rain, go away.....

What a lovely day we are having today...It is raining...And it is supposed to rain all day and all night....I am making pizza for dinner to night for the girls, I figured it would cool...We are also going to watch "Independence Day" with Will Smith in it...The girls have seen it once already, and that's all they keep talking about...I hope I can get them in bed at their regular time...I am tired already and it's still afternoon...Must be the crappy ass weather we are having that is making me tired...

My honey called, and I had to call him back...We got to talk for about 25 minutes...I had to tell him about the houses that I found that are for sale..The only problem is that they are up in Sanford which is about 45 minutes from between here and Raleigh....That is one of the pluses....If we are closer to Raleigh, then it will be easier for him to commute...I found a 4 bedroom 2.5 bath hosue for 155,000...You can't beat that...Especially for a house that big...Around here that house would be over 200,000...

Well...It is almost time to go and get the girls from school...

Pilates is for the Birds!!

I just did 30 minutes of Denise Austin's Pilates for Everybody!! I am whipped!! Aislinn gave up after 5 minutes, but I hung in there for 30 of the 45 minutes!! I know I am goig to be sore tomorrow, but I have to start getting toned up and in shape because Noland and I are going to go to the Med, just don't know if we are going to go to Italy, Spain, or Sicily....Decisions, decisions...

I just hope I can stay Motivated enough to do the Pilates every other day!!

Sexual Attraction....

I am writing this after having a conversation the other night with one of my friends...It started because Noland emailed me a couple of pictures of himself, nothing Lewd though...And he has that "Look" in his eyes, you know the "Look", the "I want to do you right now" look...And everytime I see that particular picture, I just want to lick my screen...I feel the power of that "Look" through my computer, and it makes my insides go crazy...But anyways...My friend and I were talking and I told her about the pics and she said it was cool to hear How much I love this man...And that I am still so Attracted to him...I mean, How HOT is this Man? He is so Yummy~!! I can't get enough of him....It's hard to believe that even after being together for 7 years now, he still has that kind of power over me...Of course, who wouldn't want to be the man that can bring you to orgasm 3 or 4 times in a row? There was one time when I had 12, but that only happened the one time....These days when he is home, its more like 2 or 3, but that's because they are so intense that i can't handle more than that many...He has a way with is tongue too, and he also knows the "Combo" to my lock which makes it easy for him...
My friend doesn't have that same feling toward her husband, she loves him and eerything, but she just doesn't have that Attraction to him...I don't get it...Whenever Noland is around, I can feel the pheronomes...I have another friend who is also married, but HATES to have sex with her husband, what is the point of being Married if you HATE having sex with your Husband? Sex is a BIG part of my marriage, but not the only part....I Love Noland with all my heart...I miss the hell out of him too...I am looking forward to seeing him in a few more months...Then I can do the things to Noland that I dream can only doing about now....

Being sick Sucks so bad....

Especially if you have noone there to help you get the day to day crap done...I am on day 2 of being sick with some virus, and my house isn't in too bad shape..McLaine has been pretty good at helping me out...I had to cancel Kiera's Parent Teacher Conference yesterday because I could barely stand...I probably shouldn't have been driving either, but someone had to go and get them from school...When we got home, I laid down on the couch and dozed off...Poor Peyton...She was missing momma because she kept laying on me, and bringing toys to me...

I some how managed to make them dinner, even if it was only pizza...I had contemplated having one delievered, but noone delivers out this way...

I wish my inlaws werent' such assholes sometimes...Or else I would have called them to maybe come and get the girls, but alas...They are busy helping Noland's Loser brother like they always do...He needs more help than I do..Oh well...

Sad today....

While I had fun up in PA this past week-end, my day was shot around 4pm this afternoon when Noland called to tell me he won't be able to come home for Christmas...The girls are all upset about it too...Mickey was crying and now Aislinn is in my bedrrom crying about it...All I want to do is cry too, but I have to be the stron one, I am not allowed a breakdown...This just sucks...

I guess we will boycott the holidays because I see no point of celebrating when i have no family here to celebrate with...My parents are in Ak, my bro is in NY...So whats the point? I am tired of having to deal with Noland's family at Holiday time because they are a bunch of Assholes...I dont want to be with them, I want to be with Noland and share them with him...We didnt get to last year...he missed the baby's 1st christmas and now he is going to miss her 2nd one too...Pisses me off...

I dont want to post about it on my board because I dont want them to feel bad for me..There have been enough Whoa is me posts from me about missing Noland and stuff...I guess I need to call my mom...noland did say I could buy her a plane ticket to fly here, although I doubt she would...I havent had Christmas with my parents in 6 years...It would be nice if she would come here though..

I have new nighbors and they are white trash....

Nice...Noland's brother and his bitch girlfriend moved into Noland's grandmother's house over the weekend...Lovely...They have only been down there 2 days and that dumb bitch already came close to hitting my car...I was coming around the corner on the road(and its a dirt road mind you)maybe doing 15mph if that, when out of nowhere that stupid asshole bitch comes flying around the corner doing at least 40mph..She missed my car by maybe 6-12 inches..Needless to say, I I honked at her, then put my car in park, and proceeded to get out of my car...I was ready to whip this bitches ass...

I can't wait until we can move...I don't know how long I will be able to live next to these pigs..Ugh...I know, I probably sound like a stuck up bitch, but that's fine..Those 2 are crackheads...She is still getting high and leaving here baby in its crib...I hate her so much...

Palermo anyone?

Noland called me this morning! I swear he must be pyschic because he always calls me when I am in the tub...He must know that is when I am Naked ;)
So we talked about the girls and how they were doing in school, and all that good stuff when he tell me "Think about Palermo"...I was like "ok, when?" He said next year sometime...So...Maybe I am going to be going to Sicily for my next Birthday!! Woo Hoo!! That would be so Awesome!!
It will be for a week, just like when we went to Dublin!! It will be nice to get away from the kids for awhile...Am I bad for thinking that? I need a break from them sometimes...

I hate being all alone at night...

It sucks so bad just sitting here at night with noone to talk to...I have tried to call my friends Kristy and Alexa, but for some reason they aren't answering their phones or calling me back after I leave messages on their answering machines...Whatever...
I am beginning to think I have be suffering from a mild case of depression...I just don't know...These last few nights, I just go into a funk..Like right now...I can feel the loneliness weighing me down...I know that I could call my mom, but alas, she isn't home right now...
I don't know anymore....Noland finally called me...I was happy about that until he started bitching that I havent' mailed his package yet...The girls made pics for me to put in it...Whatever Noland, Whatever..

I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, it isn't going to get me anywhere...But Damn...Lonliness sucks so bad...

It's Monday!!

Last night I emailed Noland the poem I wrote...He really liked it, he just can't understand why I only write them when he is gone...Don't you just love this picture? I took it when we were in Ireland back in March...It's been almost 6 months since we were there..I had so much fun...I took the picture while we were on a walk in Merrion Square Park...
The girls are at school this morning! They just love going, and I am glad that they do..I would be upset if the had a hard time with it....I reallyhaven't done anything around here today, I just don't feel like it...We did go to the Post Office earlier to pick up 2 packages. Aislinn liked going because she got to carry the slip and the envelopes..She is such a helper..Hard to believe she is going to be 4 years old next Friday!!

I miss Noland...More than I let on...

Sometimes I sit here and wonder how in the world I let him go there to work...I put up such a good front that even those that really know me have no idea how much I miss him. It's like having half my heart ripped out. He is the one person I can always count on to make me feel better when I am feeling down, but he isn't here. I feel like I have noone to turn too sometimes. I could cal a few of the ladies on my board to chat, but I don't want to burden them all the time with my sadness...My friend Ran is always good for making me feel better, but I don't like calling her all the time, I just don't want her to think I am a pain in the ass calling her all the time.Other people have lives too...
So right now I am just sitting here listening to that Song by 3 Doors Down, and it is making me so sad...

I see you in my dreams
I Feel you in my heart
I talk to you in my dreams
When I am asleep, I reach for you
And you aren't there
A wave of lonliness sweeps over me

I Miss you
I wonder when I will see you again
I think about about you ever waking moment
And everytime I look in the eyes of our girls
I see you looking back at me
I picture you smiling back

I Long for you
The night is the worst time
I lay awake in bed, thinking about you
What you doing, what you are wearing
Do you think about me?

I can't wait until I see you again
And touch you, and taste you
I love you honey...
I will see you in my dreams

Wow...I can't believe I just wrote that..I usually don't write poems anymore. I guess I was inspired by that song. I miss Noland.

Sunday, Sunday...

I have been busy this morning...I have been trying to clean my Kitchen, it is looking beeter...I took all the blinds down in the house that girls have tore up, so now it's alot Brighter in here...
We are still planning on moving, but to where, we don't really know...I want to stay around here in NC, so at least then the girls can still see one set of grandparents..Had we moved to NY, they would have never seen Noland's parents again. His dad flat out told me that if we moved up there, he wasn't going to go and visit..But that is not why I want to stay here. I LOVE going to the Ocean. We go every summer for a few days and it is so much fun!! We went this year while Noland was home for 2 weeks and rented a cottage for 4 days right across the street from the Beach. It was at the Fort Fisher Recreation area, which is for Military people and Government workers...Here are the girls on the Ferry that we take over to the beach.
















I think this picture speaks for it's self!! You can just feel the excitement!!
The girls absolutely Love going to the beach!! They swim, and play,we go out to eat at our Favorite Restaurant called "Big Daddy's" and we go for walks on the Pier, get Ice cream, and going fishing off the Pier!!




Boy did I just Digress...Anyways...Today...I have also been looking at houses...Now I can't decide if we should buy a house or maybe buy a piece of land and have a house Built on it...There are some really nice house plans out there...Oh well...I have to talk to Noland about it anyways..

The essence of Ireland....

I really never posted alot about my trip back in March...What a trip! I was inspired to go there 1. because my ancestors came form there and 2. I have read so many Nora Roberts books that were set in Ireland that I just had to go and see it for myself..It is such a Beautiful Country.
This is Merrion Square park. It was right across the street from the Hotel we stayed in. Some nights after going to dinner, Noland and I would go for a walk around the park, hold hand, and just take it all in.
Here we are in front of Trinity College, its in Downtown Dublin, right near the Shopping District.

Man am I tired....

I Love this picture, why I don't know...I just thought it was pretty...I took it when i was in Ireland with Noland. We went on a castle and coast tour and this was at the Castle...
I have no idea why I posted the pic...
I was up to late last night chatting on the board!! It was so much fun!I hope we can all do it again sometime..It's nice to have people to talk to...
The Topics ranged from Gymboree and pycho chicks obsessed over it to pot smoking...Nice range of topics, right? I thought so :)

Have you ever noticed just how sexy a Dad can be?

Noland is such an awesome dad to the girls...He loves them all so much and would give his life for his girls...
Here are a few pics of him with the girls:







See how much they love their daddy? They miss him so much sometimes...But they understand that he has to be away in Iraq right now...

So...This is my life...

I wake up, make some coffe and then turn on my computer to check if I have email from my homey..9 times out of 10 I do, which is cool, because I love reading emails from Noland...After I recharge with the coffee, I am off to wake the girls up to get ready for school...They are all pretty good about getting up in the morning, which for me is a good thing..I don't know how I would handle it if they always woke up in a pissy mood...I make breakfast and while they are eating, I go ahead and get dressed because god forbid I go out in my PJ's...Then it's time to wake up Peyton...God I love her...She always wakes up with a smile and a "Hi momma" for me...The older girls get their lunches in their backpacks and we are out the door...McLaine walks Kiera to her room and it's back home for the rest of us....
The rest of the day is spent with Aislinn and Peyton...we watch tv, eat breakfast together and juat hang out...I do get stuff done around the house too...Not alot, but enough to make the house not look like a wreck...

I joined the MOPS Program here in Southern Pines...I am hoping it will be something that Aislinn, Peyton and I can enjoy...I am looking forward to the first meeting which is next Wednesday!!! Woo Hoo!! It will be nice to talk to other moms...That's something I rarely get to do...I do have a few that I talk to online, and I wish I could hang out with them, I think we would have a Blast!!

I am so grateful for the boards I belong to...They give me a place where I can go and brag about my husband, my kids, and just get to know other moms...I know there are always going to some I don't get along with, but I don't let it bother me, because they don't know me...Only a few really know who I am in real life :) And those are the ones I talk to on the phone...The ladies on the boards have been there for me when I needed a shoulder to lean on, a sounding board when things with my sister got completely out of hand, and a place to go when I had noone else to share my life with...Thank you ladies for always being there...

***HAPPY ANNIVERSARY*** to Noland and I....

Wow...6 Years ago on this day, I took vows and married a man that is the most caring, loving, generous, funny person I know, besides myself that is...

Our Story:
It was July 1999, when a crazy Upstate New Yorker moved down to NC with her parents and 18 month old daughter...I went and applied for jobs at K-mart and Wal-mart....Well...I ended up getting hired as a Cashier in the front end at K-mart...When I first moved down here and was talking to my friend in Jen(who was in NY)on the phone one day and she asked me "Have you met any guys yet?" I said "Jen, like I am really going to meet someone here at K-Mart"...Little did I know that I was going to meet the man of my dreams...When I first started working there, Noland wasn't there, he was off doing his 2 week AT for the Reserves...I had no idea that there was another Supervisor, I thought I had met them all..Then one day while I was working, I happened to be ringing up some Beer, Noland came over and said to me "Are you old enough to ring that up?" I looked at him like he was an Idiot and responded "Yeah, I am 29 yrs old"...So he walked away...I was like "whatever dude"...After a few weeks of him just watching me and bugging me, I *Finally* talked to him outside of work...We sat out in his car for 5 hours!! It didn't even seem like it was that long...I had such a good time talking to him that the time just flew...Everynight we worked together we would spend hours after work just talking about everything and anytihng...
He *finally* asked me to go out with him...He asked me to go out to a club for a Halloween party..We went, there were too many people so we(me, Noland and His friend Tony) bought some beer and went to Noland's Parents house to hang out...It was ok...
Then we just started hanging out more and more and one thing led to another, and here we are now 6 years and 3 kids later, still going strong...
He asked me to marry him the day after Christmas 1999, he gave me my ring on my 30th Birthday(March 2000) and we were married on September 15, 2000 at the courthouse with just McLaine with us...
He is the best thing that has ever happened to me...I can't ever imagine what my life would have been like if I had not gotten that job at K-Mart and met him..He is a Wonderful father to our girls and a great husband to me...

How do you teach manners?

I ask this because I am trying to teach P(18 months old) how to say "Thank You" whe I give her something...She has yet to say it...She says "MINE" to everything!! And it is so funny to hear her say it, especially to her sisters!!



This is such a sweet picture of P...I just had to share it here...See how nice and peaceful she looks?
I Like her this way :)

I am so behind on getting stuff done around here....

Geez...You would think with 2 kids in school and only 2 here at home, I would have all this time to get stuff done! Wrong!!
So far I have done a load of laundry, fed P breakfast...Aislinn ate with the big girls this morning before we took them to school..I also vaccuumed, talked to my honey for about 2 minutes..Called him back only to have him tell me that the phone lines are being jammed!! I also made a run to the Post Office and the grocery store...

Good news!! The Power company is going to reimburse me for the money I had to spend to replace all the groceries I lost when they shut my power off while I was in NY...Long Story short: I left on 7/26, came home on 8/13 to NO POWER...I went out to the meter box(1:15am) while I was on the phone with Noland's mom, and discovered that the meter was changed to a digital one...Now when I left, the one with the dials was there...Needless to say that when they swapped them out, they turned my power off and never turned it back on!! I Lost Everything!!! And man did my house Stink!!!
And my heatpump broke, so they are giving me a reimbursement for that too...

Yesterday was a hard day for me...I watched the 9-11 tributes for a little while in the morning, but Aislinn wanted to watch NickJr...She was asking me why the buildings fell and I told her that bad guys did it because they don't liek us...

I Miss Noland.....

I emailed him this song...It makes me miss him so much....I Love him and he is my World...I just wish that he didn't have to be so far away from us...

September 11th 2001....A day to Never Forget...

Life is a series of ups and downs

Well...Noland came home last week...To our dismay, the people at the airlines lost his bag!! He made it all the from Amman, Jordan to Atlanta, GA only to have his bag get lost from Atlanta to Fayetteville, NC..What kind of morons do they having working?
Anyways...We go to the Baggage claim to fill out a lost luggage paer, the lady gives Noland a number to call Monday to check whether or not his bag had been found...Poor Noland...He called Monday morning after we took the girls to school, No Bag!! Ok...Fine...They tell him to call back on Tuesday...So he calls, still No Bag!! We end up having to go to the mall so that we can buy him some clothes since he didn't have anymore here at the house...Ended up paying almost $200 to replace stuff that was lost...He calls again Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, NO BAG!! They can't find it, they told Noland that he is goign to have to file a claim now...Thursday night, the girls all stayed out at his parents house and he and I went to dinner and movie..Saw "WORLD TRADE CENTER"...I cried throughout the whole movie..It was a great movie, but I won't see it again...So...Saturday we go to the Carowinds, have a BLAST!!!! Sunday he took the girls to the movies, called the airlines one more time, still NO BAGS!!!
We take him to the airport Monday morning and he gets the forms to fill out regarding his lost bag...Meanwhile, I am fuming that they lost the bag in the first place...I got a call Tuesday from the Airlines saying that they found his bag in the warehouse in Charlotte!! Woo Hoo!! The Bag is found! Too bad Noland was already on his way back to Iraq!
I will be back to write more later...Laundry is calling me...

Remembering CAROL FLYZIK....

I have been chosen to honor Carol Flyzik....


"The 40-year-old Plaistow resident was killed when American Airlines Flight 11 was deliberately crashed into one of the World Trade Center towers by terrorists.

Flyzik leaves her partner of 12 years, Nancy Walsh, of Plaistow; her brother Mark, his wife Cathy and their twin sons Nathan and Benjamin, of Plaistow; her sister Linda Pritchard, her husband Ed and their son Edwin, of Brunswick, Maine; her sister Claudia, of Atkinson; and her parents Janet and Charles Flyzik, of West Newfield, Maine."

Carol has touched the lives of many people and is still missed by all...May she still rest in Peace....She left behind a loving partner, and family members who miss her dearly...I wish I could have known Carol. From what I have learned about her, she seems to have been a wonderful sister, a great friend, and great employee...She was never without a smile or a friendly "hello". She made people feel special.

"She just took an interest in everybody; she did not have any airs or pretensions," Schmidt said. "When you talked with her, you always knew she was being honest and sincere."



Source:
Rockingham News: Plaistow, New Hampshire http://www.seacoastonline.com

This Song makes me cry everytime I hear it...

I am packing today~~

We are driving to NY tomorrow morning...A 14 hour drive with 4 kids, ALONE...Should be exciting....At least the 2 older girls have GameBoys to keep busy...Poor Aislinn though, I have no idea what she is going to do in the car...Maybe she can play with her Barbies or something...Peyton is the one I am worried about..She HATES riding in the car!! I pray she will be a good traveler this time...

Today was fun...

We went ot Wal-Mart to get some snacks for out bug road trip we are taking on Wednesday...The girls were good in the store for a change! Usually they are running around and stuff....
I bought them some stuff from Gymboree the other day...They look so freakin cute in their new duds...



Don't they look cute?

Check out my crazy girls....

My 2 little girls being silly..

Today was a good day...

It wasn't very intersting though...First we went to the dump, then we went to Chili's...The girls were very well behaved..Peyton insisted on trying to eat the crayons though...She is silly...I did notice that when she was scribbling with the crayon, she would do it with her left hand...Hmmm..I wonder if she is going to be a lefty....

Ater lunch we went to Wal-Mart, I know, how exciting..We came home and the 3 bigger girls went out in the pool for about an hour...I hung out in the house with Peyton.she has developed an aversion to the pool....After that was dinner and more swimming...It's a wonder that the girls don't shrink ;)

I was alittle depressed to day because I am missing Noland terribly...I hate that he had to go to Iraq to make a decent salary, but at least we aren't struggling anymore...I Love him so much...
He is such an decent human being...So Loving and caring and always doing what is right for our family...